This blog was created for everyone, friends and strangers alike. It is a place where you can share your deepest darkest secrets anonymously and get honest help from someone. I may not be able to help everyone but I try. No matter how trivial or serious I promise to give your issues my fullest attentions.
Your Anonymous Counselor, Xenina
Tuesday, January 10, 2017
Monday, December 2, 2013
Thank you to all the readers who have sent mail. I'm so glad that I can help someone by existing in this part of virtual space. :)
Monday, November 26, 2012
Depression can happen quickly. If you don't have help from parents or friends please seek out a teacher. Don't depend on other young people to hold your secrets. They aren't always reliable.
Every teenagers needs an adult to talk to, to remind you of just how important and worthy you are. Everyone is special. Don't let anyone tell you that you're not.
If you have compassion, then you are valuable to the human race. Remember you are more valuable than those people who make you feel bad. If someone says "You are better off dead", or that they would like to kill you - go directly to the principal Do not pass go. Do not collect $100. You go directly to a teacher or the principal. If they do not listen you go to the School District Office and report that principal for being neglectful.
There are programs that can help like http://www.nobully.com. You can get training on how to handle bullies also.
YOU should be strong for all the other kids in the world that are bullied. Teachers and parents must unite to say that this behavior is not alright. Kids, you have to help us, because sometimes parents and teachers do not listen. If your parents don't listen find a nice person in your class. Ask them if you can tell their parents about the problem. Most parents DO listen, so you should do your best to find an adult that will help you.
Say no to bullying. Find out more: http://www.drhurd.com/index.php/Life-s-a-Beach/Published-Columns/Say-no-to-bullies-Delaware-Coast-Press.html
Sunday, July 11, 2010
I know someone who is grieving now and so I took a couple of webpages and created this. Grief relates to almost any personal loss. It is not specific to death, divorce or loss of job. It can be the loss of a friendship or of a pet. This information is universal:
THE PHASES OF GRIEF
Many people refer to the "stages" or "phases" of grief. It may be helpful to be aware of these identified phases or common aspects of grief. It is also important to know there is no right or wrong way to grieve. You may go back and forth between phases, experience more than one at a time, or even skip one all together. All feelings are normal, even if they seem "crazy".
- Shock is the first stage of numbness, disbelief and unreality.
- Denial is thoughts or words such as, "I don't believe it -- It can't be!"
- Bargaining involves making promises such as, "I'll be so good if only I can awaken to find this hasn't happened" or "I'll do all the right things if only..."
- Guilt is a hard stage and difficult to deal with alone. This is a normal feeling characterized by statements such as, "It's my fault that... If only I had ... " done or said or thought something. Guilt may ultimately be resolved by understanding that all of us are human beings who give the best and worst of ourselves to others. What they do with what we give is their responsibility.
- Anger is another very difficult phase, but it is necessary in order to face reality and get beyond the loss. We all must heal in our own way and anger is a normal stage along the way. However, you may feel guilty because you are angry at the person who left or because one life is continuing and another is not or it's different. If you don't feel anger, don't manufacture it. Let it come naturally and use journals and talk to friends to express it. For example, if you are divorcing, don't become violent in front of your children.
- Depression may come and go and be different each time in length and/or intensity. Give yourself time to heal. If you need to cry let yourself. Have a good cry. Then move on with your day.
- Resignation means you finally believe the reality of your loss.
- Acceptance and Hope come when you finally understand that you will never be the same, but you can go on to have meaning and purpose in your life. You can be happy again. Life changes but it's not over because it's different.
FOUR "TASKS" OF GRIEF
Here are four steps toward surviving tragedy and loss:
- Tell the story: Talk about what has happened until it becomes real. Talk to caring family and friends, attend a support group, begin individual work with a mental health professional, and/or find a way to speak about the person you lost and how the loss has impacted your life and family. Tell the story until you don't need to tell it anymore. Chances are, you will be close to acceptance at that point.
- Express the Emotions: Grief is filled with conflicting tidal waves of emotion. Just when you think you've accepted a loss disbelief may sweep over you again. You may feel intense anger along with equally intense feelings of love and loss. Or, in the midst of crying about it a sense of unreality may surface again. No matter what the range of emotions, all are to be expected during grief. It is crucial to get the emotions outside of yourself. "Stuffed" feelings can build and build and become overwhelming. Scream, cry, write, journal, draw, punch a punching bag, tell an empathetic someone, take a walk, do SOMETHING to express what you feel.
- Make Meaning, from the Loss: Nothing can make what has happened "okay". Life is turned upside down and changed forever. However, you can determine that something good and reasonable will come out of the unreasonable tragedy that you are experiencing. At some point, you may be able to accept the reality that your loved one's entire life was not defined by his or her last decision - to leave you. Nothing can take away the good things the person accomplished. When you are ready, you may reach out to others with similar experiences... or work in some capacity to better the lives of others. There are many, many ways to make meaning from tragedy.
- Transition the Relationship: while missing the old "relationship", you will need to transform it into a different form. If it's a divorce, you'll change it into a friendship. If it was a death you'll change it into a nonphysical relationship. What can that relationship be now? For some, it is memories and love carried in our hearts. No one can take away our memories and, as long as we treasure those memories our time spent with them was not wasted. It made your life richer.
Thursday, May 13, 2010
Have a boyfriend now and he knows about it and he is really supportive if i get upset but I kinda feel like I'm a big disappointment I kinda feel like I annoy him all the time.
Yup! I have this problem too. It's pretty common. When you feel like things are stable or under control, you will have constant doubts about how long it can possibly last. People who have had a troubled childhood or any kind of trauma will always feel this way and sometimes it goes away and sometimes not.
Been talking with a very good online friend today kinda told him about it, I never knew that he kinda like already knew we talked a little about it and since then just talking there is nothing quite like just having some fun to make you forget for a bit. When I look at friends like this I can't help but wonder why I hold back so much, I do actually have lots of ppl around that are or would be very supportive I just don't let them in, instead I just run away, I am absolutely crazy its like everyday I feel different.
Thursday, February 11, 2010
Tuesday, February 2, 2010
Last April, I was shopping at the local shopping center with friends as we often did for something to do on the weekends. One this day, we parted at the same intersection we always did to head in the directions of our own homes, one street away from my home was grabbed by this guy, the details of such I don't really want to go into. I never said anything to anyone for two weeks when my mum was talking to me and I broke down about it. As you can imagine my mum was very concerned and tried to be very comforting, can't really say anything bad about that but I know that she was hurt that I never came to her when it happened. The whole thing had to be reported that was horrible, having to say every single detail.
Since then, I had to see a councilor, I never really shared that much with her don't know why just never wanted to talk. I don't go anymore, never really talk about it or nothing.
Nearly every night there is nightmares, I have found that if I drive myself to the point where I can't leave my eyes open there are no nightmares, so the amount of sleep I get is very little until absolute exhaustion.
I don't talk to my friends anymore, still joke around but never talk about anything that is going on, they know nothing about what happened, I don't go shopping anymore with them. Actually hate shopping with a passion now and will only go if forced and even then it has to be in and out or I kinda like freak out.
I never really knew how protected I really was until meeting people online and hearing stories and seeing how much I never knew but I now I have lost any feeling of security, I never feel safe even at home, hate people touching me, or looking at me (although at times I don't like that when looking ill).
I think that most stupid part is I don't even know what I could expect you to say, not sure if I even have an actual question. So yeah, not sure what to say now :S
There you can find someone who is online NOW. There are also forums where survivors talk about how they empower themselves and help to regain their sense of normality. They can help you enormously. MOST people that work at Rape Crisis Centers (and RAINN) have been raped and that is why they want to help you. They understand you the best. However, it is also nice that you have a wonderful man, who understands you and your needs. He'll understand not to sneak up behind you (honestly I can't stand it when men do that!) and/or show you compassion by understanding your pain. Finding a good male friend or a compassionate boyfriend will help to restore your faith in men. Most men are wonderful caring creatures and rape upsets them a lot.
Disclaimer: Not licensed therapy. This is an advice columnist site. Please seek professional assistance if you truly fear for someone's life.
- Central Coast, Ca, United States
- Mail me anytime at iAmXenina@gmail.com. That's still my email. So, don't worry. There is always someone to talk to! ~ I do have a degree in Applied Social Psychology, but what really helps me to understand you is life experience. I've had a very hard life and I've probably seen it all. If you have a problem chances are that I can help, even if it's just a little.