Be Awesome!

“To avoid situations in which you might make mistakes may be the biggest mistake of all.” - Peter McWilliams

“We don’t see things as they are, we see them as we are.” - Anais Nin

Life IS how you view it! Changing your mental attitude and your outlook are some of the most important things you can do to improve your life overall. Some of our biggest successes in life will be those times that we stepped forward and jumped into something, even though we were afraid to do it. In life, we will all have problems, challenges, and we will all fail. However,  how we choose to act after the fact and how we solve those problems we create will help us define life. Not everyone can be positive and constructive during tough times, but we can always try. This post is about changing your outlook and how to do so.

1. Best case scenario.  So, you have failed of something hasn't gone your way. The first thing your great aunt might say is, "It was God's will." or "You're better off. because .  . . ". While they actually may be right, that doesn't always make you feel better.  What will help you heal though is being realistic about what happened and understand the positive sides of it.  For example, what if this hadn't happened to you? What is the best case scenario if it hadn't happened? Is that result something that you can get without this job/relationship/car, etc? Is there going to be a point down the road where you possibly could have cursed this "success"? Would being a partner in that business keep you from opening your own, etc? You can also ask yourself:

• What are the good things I now have that I wouldn't have otherwise?
• What is at least one opportunity that has come about since this happened?
• Can I joke about it?
• Can I make lemons out of this lemonade? 
• What new ideas have come into my head that weren't there before? Are they worth perusing?
• Can I create new ideas?

Things to remember:

• Don't be afraid to make fun of yourself or use this experience to grow.
• Maturity is learning from your mistake and learning how to turn lemons into lemonade.
• If you can push through things with grace,  then people will know that you can handle challenges with style.

I like to journal major losses, and so if I am not actively journaling about something, that means it probably wasn't that detrimental to my life. Personally, I like to take things that happen in my life and use them for inspiration in my fiction book series. I write it overly dramatic and then go back and edit it later, so that it makes more sense. I suppose this is similar to journaling, but I find it more productive. I don't ever think about how my life could "get worse" or what this situation will lead to in terms of my self-esteem. I always look forward, never backward, and you should too.

I do however not always use these questions right away. Oftentimes I need a bit of time to process the thoughts and feelings that arise in situation before I can do that. Trying to force optimistic thinking when you are still in an emotional turmoil or a bit shocked usually don’t work that well.

2. Perspective! Have some perspective! Your life is good!! You're alive. The sun is shining. You're able to walk. You don't need a cane or a wheelchair. You don't have cancer or you aren't as sick as you could be. In any given building at any given time, there is always someone who has it way worse than you do. They're getting divorced or their wife is cheating. They're parent just died. You don't know. You just don't know. So, just don't ever assume. Always assume that you are the one better off, and then move to help them conquer their day.

Smiling, hugging and joking around with people are enough to change other people's entire day! Don't ever discount what the tiny interactions you have with people do to them. Their cat could have died. They could have cancer. They could have MS and be in unbearable pain all day. You don't know. The best thing you can do is to assume that everyone you meet has huge challenges that you couldn't imagine. Chances are, they do! You would really be surprised at how many people have major, major issues to tackle every single day, while you complain because your store didn't carry the right brand of toilet paper.

Another thing about perspective, it changes based on your location. When you are at the beach, at a fair or doing something active at the park, you will feel different. So, consider staying outdoors more often.

3. Only positive you lives. Here's a misnomer. Are you aware that living "the good life", refers to how you feel right this second? It doesn't mean that you're always happy or that your life is rainbows and unicorns. No one is always happy. Ever. It's just not possible. However, you can choose to be happy in this moment, and no one can take that power away  from you. You have countless "moments" in your day, so try to make each one "the good life".

How you spend your time affects your mood, your livelihood and your family and friends. Are people in your life positive? Do you complain a lot? Do you know people who do? Do you have friends or family that ask things of you but never offer you help or positive counsel? Do you have time vampires? Does anyone take advantage of you?

Here's the thing. Only positive you can live. Sad you is never going to live the life that you want to have, so you will have to let them go. In fact, you probably have the friends you have because they're the only ones who would tolerate "sad you". Move forward and put "sad you" in the past. "Positive you" doesn't need "sad you", and you never did! Stop talking about anything negative in your life. Instead focus only on current actions, reactions or problem solving. Don't even let yourself think complaints. Yell at yourself if you have to. Keep supportive people around you, just in case you need to vent, but limit your venting. It's been proven that the more you talk about something, negative or positive, the more you feel that way.   

Restructure your life in such a way that sad you can't whine, complain or beg for emotional attention.  For example, I don't use Facebook that much. I don't respond to or comment on many things political either.  I can do that at home, but sharing it on Facebook just leads to bad things.  I have found that Facebook has become more and more negative, and that I have "friends" and family that can drive me crazy. I only use instagram, and I follow people who are positive, inspiring, fun, have some DIY, makeovers, or other things that I love. I don't follow people who complain or put up violent or negative things. I block anyone that posts something that I don't agree with, or is violent or negative. Then I never have to see their posts again. Now, because you can "follow" tons of people on instagram, you can literally shape your own world. If what you want to see is inspiration and bible quotes, and you shape it that way, then heck . . . That's what you're gonna see. What I do on instagram is constantly give people positive feedback and love, and what I get back is the same. I have found it much better for my mental well being. I like to turn on phone notifications for things that I truly love, like DIY posts and some friends and family. That way I am constantly fed good news, all day long. ;)

Similarly, I only play uplifting music in my car. It's usually on Family Life Christian radio, but I also keep DVDs that I love loaded up, in case I need them. I am always moving forward and always in a positive light.

Now, if you have friends that you are always doing favors for, friends that are always complaining or people that are taking advantage of you, then maybe you need to reconsider how much access they have to you and your kids. Your kind manners and politeness may be  inflicting pain upon you every time that your "me time" is sucked away by their concerns. You need that time for you and you should never compromise that. Keep only the most positive sources of happiness the closest to you and your family and distance yourself from other things.  Along these lines, I don't watch any kind of TV show that I really wouldn't want my kids to watch. If kids can't watch any of it, then think about what you're subjecting your psyche to. It may not be good for you. ;)

4. Time for you! You don't have to do everything today. Like I said, you want to have "me time". If you're a parent, you know what I'm talking about. You need that gym time or shopping time to yourself and you should have at it.

Negative thoughts about this and that can grow when you're overtired and overwhelmed. Don't be afraid to hire someone to help you, whether in the office or at home. I can't stress this enough. There is no "positive you" if you're not capable of acting like a human being. Yelling at your kids or significant other are a warning sign that you are under too much stress. Similarly if someone is yelling at you, then you should probably assess whether or not they need help and if they're overwhelmed. Always reassess, and check yourself before you wreck yourself. Nearly everyone in prison can tell you that a split second decision is all it takes to change your life, and not for the better. So, chill out and think about how you can improve your issues today. Don't think about tomorrow's problems or even yesterdays. One thing that can really help you focus and how to deal with simple little life problems today.

You may see a friend of yours who is a complete flake, and who sometimes doesn't understand rules, or responsibilities. Some of these people are manic, and some of them are just completely aimed at being happy in every moment. The point is for you to find a happy medium here. (FYI, if you do have a flaky friend who has trouble understanding others, they could be "manic". That's for another discussion altogether.)

5. Never doubt yourself.  Doing new things is scary, and if you're starting on a new path it may terrify you. But you are capable. Believe me when I say that you can handle it. I like this saying, "God never gives you more than you can handle." Most people can handle insurmountable odds and still make it out smelling like roses. Less successful and less charismatic people than you have done extraordinarily things.

Just look at Helen Keller. She literally could not see or hear and she helped to create an entire system for helping disabled people.  Do not create nightmare scenarios, when you are afraid. Instead, create success scenarios and dream your dreams. You can do it. You really can. 

Even if the worst that can happen occurs, believe me when I say that you can handle it just fine, and that you'll live. Don't be afraid.

6. Help others.  What a lot of people get out of charity work isn't just a little self admiration. It's also a new defined sense of who you are. Are you a person who takes and takes? Or are you a person who gives and gives?

The funniest thing is that it's not about you, but what you feel is a result that benefits you. Charity work also helps you make friends who are good and positive people in your community.  They are often people who will treat you well, and help you in times of need. Positive you is glad to make these friends.

I'm not currently signed up with a charity, but I do help people every day. For starters, my job is to talk to people and assist them with wine tasting on wine tours. However, if I go into the grocery store, I will smile and talk to almost everyone that I come across there. If someone walks up behind me with groceries and they don't have much, I always offer for them to go ahead of me.  These are things I may think when I encounter people:

• "That young mother probably needs to get home and handle dinner for her kids and her husband. She probably is also hoping for some alone time, too. That's going to be hard to accomplish."  (I had twins, so I understand needing time. Giving up a few minutes of my day might mean sanity for a woman with no time.)
• "Oh, that old man looks really tired and sore. He probably has arthritis. I bet letting him go ahead of me will improve his evening, and he can get to relax sooner, and get off his feet."
• Oh, this grocery clerk is probably working a long shift, "How are you doing today? I hope it's been a good one."

7. Exercise. This should be obvious, but it isn't to some. Exercise is not not related to feeling good, it's proven to make big differences in your levels of serotonin and can completely  cure most depression. 

Exercise is probably the most important thing that people don't relate to their neurochemistry, but it makes a huge difference. Even going for a 20 minute walk every day has proven to completely change the way you view the world.  The best idea is to get a good cardio routine in two to three times a week. Being fit and feeling good go hand in hand.

8. Sleep. Sleep is underappreciated. It's one of the best things that you can do to keep yourself energized and upbeat on a daily basis. Staying up late has been linked to low energy and poor attitude, but that's not all. Let me state this in a way that you'll understand. If your body does not enter REM sleep, you will damage your brain. Geting no deep sleep means; problems with cognition, problems with long-term memory, weight-gain, more pain sensitivity and the breaking down of your coping skills. So, if a truck were headed right for you, for example, you wouldn't have the good sense to step out of the way.

 Your body makes melatonin at 8 pm every night. It expects you to sleep at 9 pm, and definitely before 10 pm every night. If you don't, that melatonin is wasted and your body doesn't make more. What does that melatonin do? It keeps you in dream land where your body works to repair itself, both mentally and physically. So, if you don't have that melatonin, it will be harder for your mind to use REM sleep productively. This is why melatonin is essential to good sleep, and why you should go to bed at a decent hour, so that your dreaming can occur at the right time.

9. Laugh it off. One of the strategies I mentioned above was laughing it off. Everyone has some fear of criticism. However, how you take it can mean happiness or sadness. Even the most innocent feedback can throw you for a loop, but remember that just because someone gave you feedback, that doesn't mean they don't like you or appreciate you. Oftentimes, they think they are helping you. More times than not, it will be helpful in your life to have heard these words, even if it doesn't seem helpful at the time. What do you do?

• Step 1: If you are upset by it, then don’t reply to them. You can reply later once you've cooled off, or you can choose to never reply. I knew a friend in politics and he had a scathing article written about him. Once I had read this article I told him that the best choice to make would be to ignore it. If this person wanted to write an entire puff piece on why the politician was so "evil", he could either back it up with evidence or stop posting opinions about it. As it was, there was no evidence given for the piece and it had no substance. Never respond right away, even if something hurts you badly. A strong comeback might have made him seem harsh or mean, when really he isn't.
• Step 2: Take notes. Remain level-headed. Figure out why they are saying what they said, and how you can improve in the future. When people complain to you directly, they usually have a good reason. I, for example, never complain unless it's something that's really important to me.  What can you learn from this feedback? Is there something that you missed? Perhaps you need to pay attention to something you ignored before.
• Step 3:  The experience. Not all criticism is about you. People could have been having a bad day when they vented about the thing in question. If you didn't think their complaint had substance, maybe it doesn't. Ask neutral parties, because you often can't figure this out yourself. 
• Step 4: Let it go. It is never helpful to respond to negative feedback with more negative feedback. You have two choices; give back a positive and appreciative response, or don't reply. You'd be surprised at how quickly people forget things, and they move on with their lives. However, if this was a fight with a loved one, don't ignore them or their concerns, address them and apologize for any possible wrong doing. If you love someone, it doesn't matter who is wrong. Both parties should apologize and move forward.

10. Venting. Venting can be incredibly important. Some people like to call friends or relatives and do a problem-exchange. These are helpful for both parties. It's not the same as complaining, because you are both listening to each other just to get it off your chest. In addition, they may have someone insight for you on your troubles.

Other people like to exercise to vent and refresh themselves. There is no set prescription for overcoming problems in your life. It might be helpful though, to refer back to and implement points 1-9. Once you're taken steps in some of the directions pointed out, you'll feel much better about your current situation.

10. Every day is a good day. I have actually made notes around the houses of my loved ones, usually next to their coffee, mirror or other things aimed at their morning routine. The notes say things like "Today will be a good day", "This is the day that the Lord has made. I will rejoice and be glad in it!" 

You can really use any positive message around your house and then use that as motivation. I once heard that you should put a picture of things that you really want in plain sight too. The picture can be anything from a smile to unicorns, to cold-hard-cash. If you are thinking about positive things when you step out your door, then you're going to view the things in your world as more positive. This isn't magic. It's just aiming your mindset at good things.  The morning is really important, so I always suggest that people get a hold of a really pretty mug or thermos and eat something good for breakfast. It's really important to get something in your stomach before you head out the door.

11. Avoid panicking. Sometimes people get the better of you. Heck. It could even be a dog or cat that gets your goat. If you have trouble slowing down you could act and do or say something in the moment. If you are exploding and panicking at the same time: stop. There's only ONE thing to do once this happens. SAAR. Stop. Assess. Apologize. Refocus.

If you have insulted someone, done something stupid or even just thought about it, stop what you're doing and evaluate who it's going to hurt, and how it's going to hurt them. Are they going to hate you? If you've already done it, just stop and apologize. You can explain some of why you have hurt them or why you said what you did, but less is best. Just say, "I'm so sorry. I am overreacting." Then move forward. 

12. Stay in touch! You have to give love to get love. Don't forget to keep in touch with family and friends. Being alone is the number one indicator of an unhappy human being. When you haven't spoken with people, don't be embarrassed to call them up after years and see how they're doing. Most friends don't mind, and they'll be glad to hear from you.