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An advice blog. Ask me any question. I'll either answer it or I'll find someone who can.
An advice blog. Ask me any question. I'll either answer it or I'll find someone who can.
Dear Xenina,
ReplyDeleteFollow on from Abusive Nightmares...
One year ago today and all I can think about is how much I hide and how stupid it is. I kinda don't know how to feel on one side its like I really need to stop hiding and get over it its been a year and on the other side its like I want to just curl up and not come out. A part of me is saying its not now and a part of me is making me feel afraid I know that sounds completely stupid my head is telling me that just being that date again doesn't mean something is going to go wrong but at the same time its hard to ignore.
Have a boyfriend now and he knows about it and he is really supportive if i get upset but I kinda feel like I'm a big disappointment I kinda feel like I annoy him all the time. He is the sweetest guy anyone could ever know but I find myself thinking that one day he is going to wake up and realise he deserves so much better then my insecurities and at the same time I kinda feel selfish. I kinda do want to open up and let him share more but at the same time I don't but I'm kinda like just sitting in the one spot afraid to step forward but still stepping forward and afraid to let go. I know that the day will come he will lose his patience and he has shown so much just find myself stuck there in so many things. Sometimes I'm wondering if I'm sabotaging it myself and not quite sure if its in my head or subconscious or what I just don't know.
Been talking with a very good online friend today kinda told him about it, I never knew that he kinda like already knew we talked a little about it and since then just talking there is nothing quite like just having some fun to make you forget for a bit. When I look at friends like this I can't help but wonder why I hold back so much, I do actually have lots of ppl around that are or would be very supportive I just don't let them in, instead I just run away, I am absolutely crazy its like everyday I feel different